Couples Therapy & Counselling

As a society we seem generally disinterested in learning about healthy relationships. We are seldom explicitly taught how to properly relate to each other, and most of the models that we are given are not only unhelpful, but can also be harmful.

Rather, than being taught how to properly nurture ourself and others, many social relationship models generate a set of unrealistic or unattainable expectations and demands that we try to force ourself and others into, including our children.

All of this seems rather unfortunate when you consider that so much of what you are today has been forged through your relationships with others.

When it comes to learning about loving relationships, the social models are even more distorted and unrealistic. Left to make sense of our intimate relationships by ourself, we either continue to struggle within those relationships, or move from one to another trying to figure out what we need to do to make the next one work.

Mainly we repeat our mistakes with very limited understanding of what went wrong before, let alone how to correct it now.

Whether in terms of our children, our marriage, or even with ourself, learning how to love so as to be nurturing and  encouraging is a critical life skill we need to acquire.

For good or for bad, relationships are powerful vehicles for determining how we feel about ourselves and others. They can lift us up, and they can also crush us. 

Considering how important they are to us, we need to pay far more attention in properly learning about what it is that makes relationships healthy, and what makes them unhealthy.

Couples who are interested will find this to be one of the most important decisions they have ever made.

For couples or marriage counselling please contact me directly at 604-488-9637 or email me using my contact form on the sidebar or at the link directly below.

Articles on Couples Therapy

Love As An Act Of Will (Part I)

As a psychologist working with couples in conflict and those trying to improve their relationships, my primary focus is on understanding the specific type of work that needs to be done to promote the best interests of both individuals in

Love as An Act of Will (Part II)

In Part I of the previous article, (Love as Act of Will Part 1), I presented a definition from Scott Peck’s book, “The Road Less Travelled” in which he described love as “The will to extend one’s self for the

Love As an Act of Will (Part III)

In Part I and Part of II of this series, I have described how we can view love as the action which serves as the vehicle for nurturing and enhancing our emotional and psychological growth, and looked at that action

Lies and Uncertainties

Trust versus mistrust. Perhaps this capacity is the greatest factor in determining whether someone can truly enjoy their life and love, or whether they spend it in survival mode constantly anxious and fearful.  Almost assuredly if we are to be

Introduction: Let’s Talk About Love

As a psychologist specializing in working with couples struggling in their relationships, I often hear individuals tell me that even though they are angry or frustrated with their partner, they still love them and believe they are loved in return.

Relationship Anxiety (Conclusion)

In a previous post, Relationship Anxiety, I discussed why and how interactions with others can introduce anxiety into our lives, and under certain conditions, can generate remarkable levels of stress. While it is often difficult enough for adults when their interactions

Yes, But Do You Really Love Me?

Couples come to my office for many, many reasons. There are a bewildering array of issues and complaints that have become the focus of their difficulties and inevitably, at least when I meet them, they have run out of options

Relationship Anxiety

When asked why life is stressful, we often talk about the demands of work, the responsibilities of being a parent, paying our bills and so on. Yet, as I discuss here, every time we interact with another person it introduces

Identity: Who Did You Say You Were?

Have you ever stopped to consider how little people really know each other? I don’t mean casual acquaintances or even friends.  I mean people who say they love and deeply care for each other; people who are willing to commit

Hello? … Is Alexithymia There?

“Alexithymia” is a term coined to describe patients who have so successfully buried their emotional problems that they no longer have any capacity for genuine insight. These patients present as being “emotionally illiterate” such that they have great difficulty in

Understanding Narcissists (Part II)

In the previous article (Understanding Narcissists (Part I), I began to identify a problem exemplified by the “Myth of Narcissus”. This myth portrays a scenario where a beautiful young boy is mesmerized by his own image staring as longingly and

Understanding Narcissists (Part I)

Have you ever felt frustrated at your inability to solve relationship problems in your life? Do you try talking to your spouse and no matter how hard you try it not only doesn’t seem to help your relationship, it often

Mindfulness In Our Relationships

Imagine someone picking up a book, perhaps one of the great classics, but they cannot read. All they see is black squiggly lines on white pages. This book is meaningless for this person. Because it is meaningless it has no value and

When Love Fails

My clinical experience in working with couples and individuals over the years suggests a fundamental lack of understanding of what it even means to have a truly loving relationship. In my previous article “Yes, But Do You Really Love Me”

The Struggle to Love

My experiences with those couples and individuals I see in my practice and in my daily life suggests most individuals in relationships are not operating in a manner conducive to promoting their own or another’s spiritual growth. Within the definition

Losing Touch With My Reality

I often see adults in my practice who cannot tell me what they are experiencing. Inquiring into the nature of their depression, anxiety, or stress is like asking them to close their eyes, stick their hand into a bag and

Love: It’s More Than A Feeling

“I love you.” When we use these three little words what do we mean, what are we actually saying? There have been occasions when working with distressed couples in my practice, when it looks as though all is lost and

The Golden Rule

As a child I was often told “it is better to give than to receive.” I always understood this message in terms of giving gifts to others rather than getting them, and the implication was that somehow in doing so,

What’s the Bottom Line?

Socrates said the unexamined life is not worth living. Sooner or later we will ask ourself a question such as , “What am I doing here?’, or “What is my life about” or the big one “Who am I”. Are

Why Are We Fighting When I Am Right?

If a relationship that promotes and encourages our emotional, psychological, and spiritual growth is healthy, then one that engenders conflict, distrust, and fear, must surely be unhealthy. It is unhealthy precisely because the openness, security, and safety that is crucial

The Fine Art of Relationships

Everything is in relationship to everything else. The words you see here exist in relationship to each other, to the white background we call the page, and to you, the reader. Likewise”I” only exist in relationship to my world and